Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
