no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
