4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
