Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
