pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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