Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
