i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want her autograph on my taint
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
