Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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