one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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