He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How naked do you want me to be?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
