Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
