The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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