we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
