sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
