i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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