Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
