I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
