walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
