Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
