I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
