It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
