his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
