I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My feet surprised me
Randomize
