I think i peed on brittanys purse
I looked at my own cervix.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
