just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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