mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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