I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
