on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
