how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
