you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
