bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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