like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
