Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
