I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I currently don't understand fingers.
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