And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
