Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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