Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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