I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
