so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
