It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
