you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All the doctor said was why
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
