so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
