Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
