i just wanna soil my oats bro
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
