just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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