bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
