Tell her she can't have a vagina
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
