The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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