He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
