I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
